How to talk to your aging parents about driving

Recently, I got a call - a son was whispering from the hallway so his Mom wouldn’t hear: “Neal… she got lost coming home from the grocery store. She’s fine, but I’m shaking. What do we do now?” This is my 28th prediction for 2026: “taking the keys” gets replaced by “mobility planning.” And the families who plan early will avoid the two worst outcomes - a preventable crash OR a preventable slide into isolation.

For many older adults, driving can become a safety issue. Last year, 19% of all traffic fatalities were people age 65+. The last decade has been brutal, with older drivers involved in fatal crashes up ~41%.

But, what I’ve learned through my work at CareYaya, running a nationwide caregiving platform and watching thousands of families have this exact conversation... driving is RARELY about the car. It’s about dignity, autonomy, and fear - on BOTH sides of the relationship.

Stopping driving abruptly can carry real mental-health consequences. A research study found that driving cessation nearly DOUBLES the odds of depressive symptoms in older adults.

So what actually works in the real world? Here's some tips from what I've seen:

1) Start with an “I” statement, not a verdict. Lead with “I’m concerned about your safety” rather than “You’re not safe.”

2) Make it a plan, not a punishment. AAA points out that seniors often outlive safe driving by ~7–10 years, meaning “driving retirement” is a phase to plan for. Use a written tool like the AAA Driver Planning Agreement to take emotion out of the moment and put options on paper.

3) Replace mobility before you reduce it. Line up rides to the 3 places that matter most (like grocery, church/friends, doctor). Set up delivery defaults. Create a “two-call rule” (they can always call two people for a ride, no questions asked). This is where most families fail - they remove driving and then scramble to patch a mobility hole afterwards.

4) Bring in an objective third party when needed. Occupational therapy driving rehab / community mobility programs exist for a reason: they can assess, recommend modifications, and help with the transition.

If you’re reading this while nodding grimly - you’re not alone! This is one of the hardest "rites of passage" in American families today, because our communities are mostly built around cars.

I’m curious (and I bet others here will benefit from your answer!) - have you had this conversation with aging parents or relatives, and what did you do when you realized their driving skills were slipping?