Empowering Caregivers: Managing Burnout and Overcoming Limiting Beliefs with Debbie Weiss

 

 

 

Nirvana Tari (00:00)
Hi everybody, my name is Nirvana and I am here with our wonderful, wonderful guest today. Mrs. Debbie Weiss is here with us from New Jersey. Thank you so much for being here, Mrs. Debbie.

Debbie Weiss (00:12)
Thank you for having me.

Nirvana Tari (00:13)
Of course, of course, we have a celebrity in the house today. As she was just recently on the Kelly Clarkson show back in November for National Caregivers Month. So we're going to let let's just see what she had to say to Miss Kelly Clarkson.

Kelly Clarkson
The new book on second thought, maybe I can. Let's get Debbie in here, everybody. Give it up for Debbie.

You've been a caregiver your whole life, right? 

Debbie Weiss
My whole life, you said it. 40 years, I was thrust into caregiving when I was 17, when my father at 46 had a massive stroke, became permanently disabled. And soon afterwards, my parents divorced, and I became his primary caregiver for the next 30 years. And then when my oldest son...

All right, yeah, that's, I mean, like Kelly said, like you said, you've been a caregiver for your whole life. I would really love to hear first a little bit about your caregiving experience and sort of your journey through life. And also I would love to know what it was like to be on a national show and how it felt to connect with so many caregivers nationwide and allow them to know that they're not alone.

Debbie Weiss (01:38)
Okay, that's a lot of questions. So I'll start with my caregiving experience. As you heard what I said on Kelly, I did become my dad's caregiver when I was 17 and he lived for 30 years. So I was his caregiver for the next 30 years of his life. He never lived with me, but I was his person, you know, figuring out his money and his doctors and his everything.

Debbie Weiss (02:04)
Taking him places and moving him when we needed to move him for one reason or another. And then my dad was still alive when my oldest son was diagnosed on the autistic spectrum at two. And all us parents are caregivers, but when you have a child with special needs, it really takes it to a different degree. And I became a mama bear warrior for many, many years. I guess I still am. And then my husband became permanently disabled about five years ago, and he struggled with both mental and physical illness, which was very...

Nirvana Tari (02:37)
Yeah.

Debbie Weiss (02:51)
difficult and then out of the blue unrelated to any of his other diseases, he was diagnosed with a terminal blood cancer in June of 22 and he passed away six months later and I was this caregiver.

Nirvana Tari (03:07)
Yeah, that's heartbreaking. I'm so sorry to hear that you truly are not just a mama bear warrior, just a warrior all around.

Debbie Weiss (03:12)
Thank you.

Yeah, yeah, it's funny what life throws at you, right? Never, never dreamt that this was my direction.

Nirvana Tari (03:20)
You are a mom, a daughter, a wife, a caregiver, a case manager, transportation, like a nutrition consultant. You're everything all in one for many different people and you still are doing it. So kudos to you. That's that's really, really heartwarming to hear that. Well, yeah, what would you like to be on a national podcast? people.

Debbie Weiss (03:27)
Yeah.

Well, thank you. I appreciate that. And as yeah. gosh, you know, I, I only watched it once. So to watch it and listen to it again, it almost brought back. I still am looking like in amazement to be honest with you. one, I feel like it was an incredible honor. and so what I, I guess I don't know why I wasn't.

Nirvana Tari (03:48)
Thank you.

Debbie Weiss (04:06)
Realizing I knew that the show was broadcast at different times in different locations, but I had in my head that it was going to be just later than my time. And a few hours before it aired in Eastern time, I started getting these messages from strangers. Like on Instagram and, and I was like, wait a second. I don't understand. How do they know? And then I realized that they had already seen the show. And

Nirvana Tari (04:17)
Right.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Debbie Weiss (04:36)
Um, I have to tell you when I read those first couple of messages, you know, that were from other caregivers and thanking me for sharing my story and for talking about the struggle, I just started crying because, you know, my hope is that I reach other people and when you're in these, you know, venues, so to speak, and you're sitting in your own house, just like I was with Kelly, it's hard to understand that other people are really listening to you and they, what I say is affecting them in some way. So it was overwhelming emotionally.

Nirvana Tari (05:13)
So I bet. But I get also at the same time, I feel like it highlights the importance of support groups and having a support system of people who are kind of going through similar things that you are during a time like that. So it's good to see that there's unity in numbers. So that must have been really.

Debbie Weiss (05:21)
Ugh.

Absolutely. I'm a huge proponent of support groups. I have to say that different types of support groups have really helped me through difficult times and there's nothing like talking to someone who just gets it.

Nirvana Tari (05:50)
Yep, 100% regarding any and everything in life. I feel like it's just like, you're finally like, ah, I feel heard. Like, I feel like this is like, it's not just me going through this experience. So yeah, absolutely. What would you say is kind of on a more positive note, the most rewarding aspect of caregiving?

Debbie Weiss (05:53)
Yeah.

knowing that you're helping someone, you know, and that you're there. I often thought to myself, what happens to those people who don't have someone in their corner because, you know, in, in all of my different, you know, three primarily different caregiving experiences, and they have been completely different. But the common thread was that I had to be there to advocate for each one of them in different ways.

Nirvana Tari (06:38)
Right. Absolutely.

Debbie Weiss (06:42)
I'm, you know, honored that I was able to do that, but really that, that really is what goes through my head. What happens to those who don't have someone.

Nirvana Tari (06:53)
Yeah, it's heartbreaking. People who don't have a voice themselves and there's no one there to advocate for you, gosh, it's just difficult. It's a difficult thing to go through all around, I bet. And we all know that with being a caregiver, there's lots and lots of burnout as well, rightfully so. So is there any advice that you would have for someone who's facing caregiver burnout right now?

Debbie Weiss (07:16)
Absolutely. I was facing that for so many years. And quite frankly, back then I didn't even know there was a name for burnout. I didn't even understand that I was a caregiver. You know, family caregivers were just, it wasn't a common phrase that people used. And when I was able to kind of put a title to it, it felt better. But what I found.

Nirvana Tari (07:28)
Yeah.

Debbie Weiss (07:43)
is that for so many years that I was caregiving, 30 years, I never took the time for myself. Every ounce of energy that I had went into other people. And besides my caregiving, right? You know, I've always had to work, you know, run a household, all of those kinds of things. And then I was volunteering. I was overextending myself and not realizing the importance of self care.

And I think I didn't really understand. I had kind of like a finite definition of self care in my mind. You know, that was going to a spa or, you know, those things. And yeah, okay. That can be part of it, but it is so much more than that. And, you know, that is definitely the antidote to burnout because you're able to, you know, like they say, refill your cup, but it's true. And then

Nirvana Tari (08:30)
Absolutely.

Okay, absolutely.

Debbie Weiss (08:43)
When I wasn't doing that, what I found was I was quick to anger. I was exhausted. I was resentful.

Nirvana Tari (08:48)
Mm.

Yeah. Like you said, you can't pour from an empty cup. If you're not there to be taken care of, if you don't take care of yourself, then who's gonna take care of your loved one? I guess like...

Debbie Weiss (08:56)
Mm-mm.

Nirvana Tari (09:04)
Maybe let's talk about a time where you felt like you were truly challenged and how did you overcome it? And I guess, do you have any advice for people who are going through challenges right now and they just feel like, ah, this is a dead end? Like, what would you say for them to do and what methods to try?

Debbie Weiss (09:23)
So I felt like that many times, but what comes to my mind is the more recent with my husband. And I did something counterintuitive. And I only did it because a therapist said I should. Otherwise, there was not a chance that I would have. And in hindsight, it saved me. So what I'm going to say is going to sound odd. Try something new.

Nirvana Tari (09:51)
Ooh.

Debbie Weiss (09:53)
So at the time when my husband was diagnosed, I was considering writing a book. I had never had any interest. I'm not like, uh, an English words person. You know, that's not my background. I'm a numbers girl. Um, that's been my, two different professions for my whole entire life. And a little voice kept coming up for whatever reason that I should write a book and

I met a woman who helped first-time authors get their stories out there because I didn't know anything about it. And she was just launching a 12-week course at the same time that my husband was diagnosed with cancer. Right. And I kept thinking like it was nudging me. And at the time I was seeing a therapist and I'll never forget, I...

Nirvana Tari (10:28)
What up?

Look at the odds.

Debbie Weiss (10:42)
I went to the therapist and I was already making excuses. I'm like, I know this is ridiculous. I should never do this. I I'm embarrassed that I'm even thinking about it at a time like this. And you know, I know I should wait until this is behind us. And she said, I disagree. She said, you need something just for you. That's separate. And

Nirvana Tari (10:53)
Bye.

Mm.

Debbie Weiss (11:08)
There was some kind of, I mean, it was a challenge to do this, something that I knew nothing about and didn't really feel capable of doing. It was a challenge, but in another way, it kept me going because it was kind of exciting. Right? I mean, I don't know how to write. And when I wrote one chapter and I wrote another and, and you know, it's like, it starts to build up steam and you build your confidence.

It's exciting. It's something else to look forward to.

Nirvana Tari (11:41)
Absolutely. It's something new, like you just said, trying something new, something very different.

Debbie Weiss (11:45)
it's trying something new. I mean, if you think about the times and look, it might not work whatever that new thing is, right? I mean, I've tried many things that weren't for me, but you don't know until you try and it just gives you, um, a, a spark at a time, you know,

Nirvana Tari (12:01)
Absolutely. That's really beautiful to hear. And I think that a lot of listeners at home need to like hear these words that you're saying too, just because they're always putting themselves last. And it's like, even if you're not putting yourself first every single minute of the day, it's important to do it periodically and make sure that you are, you know, nurturing yourself and taking care, doing the same thing you're doing for others, for yourself as well. Do you wanna tell the listeners a little bit about your book? I'd love to hear a little bit more.

Debbie Weiss (12:30)
Sure. So it's a memoir. It's my memoir and it is, of course, there's caregiving in it because it's about my life, but there's a lot of different themes. But the main theme is that I grew up as many, many of us do with these limiting beliefs that I'm always being judged. I'm not good enough, you know, for whatever reason. And so I have

three parts of the book. So the first part is our stories about what, what gave me those limiting beliefs. And then the second part is how almost I was forced to start overcoming them. And looking back, honestly, becoming a caregiver for my dad was the beginning of me being able to overcome my limiting beliefs because, because I was always afraid of being judged. I.

tried not to be heard. But when my dad got sick and I became his advocate, there was something different in me that said, okay, I might not want to be seen or heard or judged for me, but there's no way that I'm allowing that fear to stop me from doing what my dad needs me to do.

Nirvana Tari (13:51)
Absolutely. Wow.

Debbie Weiss (13:52)
So there are stories about, you know, in the middle about, um, kind of, you know, just that part of my life where I felt that all of these quote unquote hard things were happening to me. When I looked out and I felt like it wasn't the same for my friends and, you know, I had that victim mentality of

Nirvana Tari (14:13)
Yeah.

Debbie Weiss (14:16)
Why me? Why is this? I'm a good person. Why is all this happening to me? Why can't something good, you know, why can't it be like the other person? And then when I was 50, and this is the third part of the book, I, when I turned 50, I kind of had an aha moment where I said to myself, 50, yikes, if something were to happen to me now, would I be looking back on my life with regret?

Nirvana Tari (14:32)
Mm.

Debbie Weiss (14:47)
And I could honestly say that I would have not regret for my caregiving, but regret because I gave up myself. You know, I lost myself in all my caregiving and all my other trials and tribulations, and that shouldn't happen and doesn't need to happen. And so the third part is stories about how I started to

transform and overcome those limiting beliefs in the third part.

Nirvana Tari (15:19)
Did you feel like you were kind of making these self-revelations as you were writing the book as well?

Debbie Weiss (15:24)
Sometimes, I mean, you know, I've heard people say how therapeutic it is. And I thought, Oh, that's ridiculous, but it wasn't ridiculous as I was writing. Well, first, when I was writing like some of those stories about my hard times in my life, you know, in order to hopefully make it, um, enjoyable and, and draw the reader in, I had to like really put myself back in those situations and think about how I was feeling.

That was, um, it was kind of cathartic to go through that again. I mean, I had definite days where I wrote and I cried. And, and it was also interesting then, you know, to look and, and kind of be able to say, wow, look what you've done. You know, I don't ever stop and do that. I think most people have a hard time really giving themselves credit.

Nirvana Tari (16:02)
Yeah.

Hmm, yeah. What's?

Debbie Weiss (16:23)
So it was helpful.

Nirvana Tari (16:25)
I just know that's gonna resonate with so many different people. And you're just spoken like a true servant at heart, honestly, like you're such an inspiration to me personally and to honestly all of the caregivers out there. I, part of my role here at Kari Aya is that I onboard all of our new families that are hoping to join the platform and receive care. So I spend many hours a day talking to family caregivers and you know, I hear so much of the same sentence.

in of like first of all guilt um and yeah so much guilt and just being like I feel guilty even like considering wanting to take time for myself and I'm like oh my goodness that's it's heartbreaking for me to hear that because you as a person who is doing so much and giving up so much of their self like guilt should be the last emotion that you're feeling but it's hard it's hard to even like try and put yourself in that position until you are actually in that position yourself too so

Debbie Weiss (16:58)
Yes.

Nirvana Tari (17:25)
I always tell them, hey, if you, that's why, there's a reason why they tell you to put that oxygen mask on first. So yeah, absolutely. You know, I've read a lot that you're, a lot of your work is about advocating for women and, you know, making sure that...

Debbie Weiss (17:25)
Yeah.

Nirvana Tari (17:44)
there's equality in sort of like all of this. But I'm wondering if you could tell me a little bit about how um

we as a society, so I guess, let me backtrack a little bit. Caregiving sort of disproportionately is falling on women and women are having to quit their jobs to take care of their loved one and that's really because the social support structures are just not quite there. So how can we do better as a society and kind of divvy up the caregiving responsibilities and make sure that, to help women and like make sure that women aren't the only ones that, in which these responsibilities are falling on.

Debbie Weiss (18:26)
It's so difficult because, you know, I also, when I think about my own caregiving, would I want somebody else to have been the primary caregiver? No. Right. And I think that even though it is, it's so much, I so relate to that guilt because, you know, you think to yourself, I don't want to do this, or this is too difficult, or I don't have any time for myself, and this is kind of suffocating. It can be suffocating.

Nirvana Tari (18:37)
Right.

Debbie Weiss (18:55)
But yet on the flip side, if I said, OK, I can give over this caregiving responsibility to my brother, let's say, I honestly, I would be like, oh, he's not doing it right. Oh, he's not thinking of everything. So I mean, I don't know if that resonates with other people, but in all honesty, that's how I feel. However, there's no reason why I can't have breaks.

Nirvana Tari (19:21)
Mmm, absolutely.

Debbie Weiss (19:24)
the time for the breaks, the money thing is a very big problem. And you know, there's a bill out there, you know, to get a tax credit. Hopefully it gets signed, um, for family caregivers. And I think that it's great that this issue is now being talked about. Exactly. I was very lucky in that I'm self-employed. And so even though

Nirvana Tari (19:34)
Hopefully.

Because it's a full-time job, you should get paid.

Right.

Debbie Weiss (19:54)
it, you know, I had to do things in my business. I wasn't going to lose my job. And so I, I constantly am grateful for that. And, you know, um, I think our

Nirvana Tari (20:03)
Yeah.

Debbie Weiss (20:14)
Society has to, you know, just like you give maternity leave and now paternity leave, right? All of those kinds of options need to be built in for caregivers.

Nirvana Tari (20:26)
Absolutely, 100%. And I think the number is way bigger than you think it is. I think it's over 53 million Americans taking care of either an elderly parent, a sick spouse, or a medically vulnerable child. So I think that's about one in six Americans, which is a lot of people. So definitely when you're walking down the street, one sixth of the people that you're seeing are probably taking care of somebody, and they're not getting the support that they need.

Debbie Weiss (20:33)
Yeah, yep.

Absolutely.

Nirvana Tari (20:55)
these social structures into place to allow people to A, take some time for themselves and B, be fairly treated and compensated for all of the hard work that they're putting in and so I'm glad that finally something is being done. You know, it took a while but I guess some places...

Some businesses and stuff cover childcare, I believe, for their employees. And I really think the next step absolutely has to be like eldercare as well, or not necessarily just eldercare, but disability care or anybody that you're sort of taking care of.

Debbie Weiss (21:30)
Yeah. And, and like I said, you know, if you look back, even though it's frustrating now, we are moving in the right direction. Just, you know, these kinds of things just take years and years, unfortunately.

Nirvana Tari (21:42)
Yeah, sure does. But yeah, we were talking a little bit about finances and sort of like financially preparing yourself and stuff. So I have a couple of questions for you in that regard. So I'm wondering how does one, you know, effectively like financially prepare themselves after a loved one has passed? Do you have any advice for people at home regarding that?

Debbie Weiss (21:44)
Hehehe.

It's so funny that you're asking me this question because, and I'll tell you why. So my first career, I was a CPA for 10 years and now the last almost 30 years, I've been an insurance agent. And so I have always, and I've had my money troubles, believe me, I write about it in the book. Um, and so for me, since I have.

Nirvana Tari (22:17)
Oh wow.

Awesome.

Yeah.

Debbie Weiss (22:38)
That's been my life has to do with money and understanding that it's, I forget how many people are then put in the situation if they become a caregiver and their spouse, let's say was the one who handled the money or they're a widow and they've never been the one to handle the money, how stressful that can be.

Nirvana Tari (23:03)
Yeah, absolutely.

Debbie Weiss (23:05)
And you know, the other thing is, is that caregiving and, and I have to say, and I, uh, with my son, I spent money I didn't have because I just felt like back then, um, insurance was not covering anything really. And I just didn't care. And this was my choice, right? Nothing, you know, I didn't have to do this, but I just felt when he was such a young age,

I wanted to throw every therapy, you know, at the wall. And it cost a lot of money. And then that got me into a lot of debt. And then it kind of just snowballed. So I wanna say, whatever your financial situation is, whatever your amount of financial knowledge is, you are not alone. I think it is very important.

Nirvana Tari (23:36)
Right.

Mm.

Debbie Weiss (23:59)
to not kind of drown in this by yourself, but to find somebody, whether it's a loved one, but sometimes you don't feel comfortable sharing that information, and I know firsthand, with someone close to you.

Nirvana Tari (24:15)
Right. Talking about money is tough.

Debbie Weiss (24:19)
Talking about money is tough. And what's, what's funny is that you're asking me this. I actually just in the last 48 hours have been thinking, boy, could I be of service to caregivers and or widows who don't have the knowledge and, you know, be able to coach them and teach them. Because sometimes an outsider, it's just more comfortable and somebody who's been there too.

Nirvana Tari (24:42)
Yeah. Well.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, like I said, I'm talking to

Debbie Weiss (24:49)
is always good.

Nirvana Tari (24:53)
handfuls and handfuls of these people on a day-to-day basis and I'm sure they would love to have a resource like yourself so if you would ever like to you know come on to a webinar for our families and like give them an opportunity to maybe ask you some questions and You know share their experiences and stuff. We would be more than happy to have you They would I'm sure they would absolutely love the expertise and the

Debbie Weiss (24:59)
Yep.

Well, thank you. I would absolutely love to do that. That would be great.

Nirvana Tari (25:20)
that would be a wonderful, wonderful situation. And I have another question as well that's maybe more on the difficult side too. And it's about sort of preparing yourself for the death of a loved one. And I feel like that's something that as a society, we don't necessarily talk about enough. So I'm wondering, what did you wish you knew that you know now to prepare yourself for both caregiving in general, and also for preparing yourself

of a loved one.

Debbie Weiss (25:52)
So it's a great question asking me about preparing for the death of a loved one because I spent so much time, my husband's doctor would not, you know, I was pressing her, give me a timeframe. I just want to know, like I just wanted to know. And she wouldn't. And of course, you know, nowadays I'm going down the Google rabbit hole and I'm making my own inferences from his blood work and his, you know, the whole thing. And

Nirvana Tari (26:11)
Right.

Right. Yeah.

Debbie Weiss (26:21)
This not knowing I found very, very hard.

Nirvana Tari (26:25)
Mm-hmm.

Debbie Weiss (26:27)
I would think often about what it was going to feel like. How was it going to happen? Would he suffer greatly, you know, more than he was? That unknown was so scary. And I feel like for me, now let me just say, my husband also suffered with mental illness.

It changes a person's personality. So it was very difficult dealing with him. And so because of that, often I lost my patience because he really was not nice to me. But of course, in hindsight, just like always, and I really tried. I needed, and I would say as much as you can appreciate the time that you have.

Nirvana Tari (26:53)
Thank you.

Debbie Weiss (27:22)
instead of like I was in my head, what's going to happen, what's going to happen, what's going to happen. And, and I was a little bit more about what I needed to do for him, instead of maybe emotionally connecting with him again, because of his mental illness. It was very difficult to do that, but, um, I would say to focus on that and appreciate the time you have now.

The hard thing was, is that he was miserable. And on one hand, you're feeling very guilty because you're hoping that it ends because you don't want to see someone suffer, right? But then you feel guilty because what are you saying that you wish that they would die? I mean, it's, it's a horrible, you know, competing thoughts and.

The minute that it happens, you wish they were back. And I don't think that you can really prepare yourself for that feeling. I think the ways that I did, honestly, I did start thinking about some financial things ahead of time that maybe I could do something that would help or that I would be prepared at the time, you know, or getting your own.

Nirvana Tari (28:25)
Mm.

Yeah.

Debbie Weiss (28:52)
stuff in order. It's a time where you start thinking about it. You know, that's the kind of person that I am. You know, I wanted to know, well, what was I going to do for the funeral arrangements? It's not something that I had dealt with it before for my father, but it was a little bit different because there was a family plot and all of this. So, you know, I got those things in order, even though it's uncomfortable ahead of time so that when it does happen.

There weren't major decisions at the time. I knew who I was going to call. I knew, you know, and it's, um, something you don't want to think about, but I think honestly, now we should all be thinking about it because it's going to happen to all of us eventually. So why not?

Nirvana Tari (29:37)
Yeah.

You honestly got me a little choked up there. It's, I have chills going up and down my arms, but I mean, it's sort of in a situation where you feel like you have absolutely no control, you kind of want to try and get a little bit of that control back by sort of knowing, you know, what's going on, what can I do? Like when is this going to happen? And just like the not knowing part, I feel like is really contributing to like the stress and the anxiety of it. So I guess that's really helpful advice to just like, sort of do the things that you can do

like.

let the other stuff like happen as they happen and take every day as it comes and yeah I think that a lot of people will sort of a lot of our listeners have loved ones with you know Alzheimer's dementia and different cognitive impairments so it's definitely something that will resonate with them and it's always remember that it's the disease talking it's not your loved one I guess so just remember that you're not you're not dealing with the same person that you were dealing

Debbie Weiss (30:16)
Absolutely.

Mm-mm.

Nirvana Tari (30:41)
you've loved your entire life. So that's a really, really important thing to take note of as well. Do you wish that there were any support, anything in place to help support you during this time? What is something that you wish was just readily available to family caregivers to have whenever they just needed to get away or any societal things, any, yeah, just kind of.

Debbie Weiss (31:09)
maybe a hotline, you know? I mean, it just came to me as you're saying it, you know? To just be able to pick up the phone and be like, oh my gosh, I just need to talk to somebody about this and this is happening and this is how I feel. And you know, again, with the family members, you don't wanna, you know, it's not comfortable to say I feel guilty, I'm thinking about them dying, you know? You don't, it might be hard, just like it's hard to talk about money.

Nirvana Tari (31:11)
Nice, yeah.

Right. Absolutely. Yeah.

Debbie Weiss (31:36)
So it'd be nice to be able to pick up the phone and just talk to somebody else who gets it, a fellow caregiver who's been there.

Nirvana Tari (31:41)
like an automatically support group. You don't have to wait for every week to come to talk to them. Pick up the phone and be like, I need to vent. You ready for this? Yeah, that's honestly a fantastic idea. I will go talk to our technology guy right after this and see if our, if he has any thoughts and ideas on how we can implement this, cause it definitely feels like something that many people would be able to benefit from and, you know, just like get that weight off their chest for even if it's just, just a minute.

Debbie Weiss (31:45)
Exactly.

Yes.

Yeah, because it does make all the difference, right? I mean, it's like anything when we talk about it and we share it, it's like, you can take a deep breath.

Nirvana Tari (32:20)
Absolutely. Do you want to share with us a little bit about how we can purchase your book online?

Debbie Weiss (32:26)
Absolutely. I appreciate that. So all, all the usual online places, Amazon, uh, Barnes and Noble and my website is probably the best because then you don't have to go searching for it. It'll take you right there. And my website is debbyrweiss.com. The R is important. Otherwise you get a realtor in California. And fun fact, there's another Debbie Weiss.

Nirvana Tari (32:48)
Oh no!

Ooh! Uh-huh.

Debbie Weiss (32:55)
in California who's a widow who wrote a book.

Nirvana Tari (33:00)
So there's three of you guys.

Debbie Weiss (33:02)
Yeah, well, there's more than three, but the one in the realtor, she doesn't count because she's not in the same, you know, I mean, it's, I guess, obviously not a fairly common name, but the woman in California, we have had interviews and people have mixed us up and thought they were meeting the other person. Yeah, so honey.

Nirvana Tari (33:07)
..realm.

Yeah.

Oh wow. Yeah. That's... that's yeah. That's very... what is her book called?

Debbie Weiss (33:25)
I don't know the name of her book, but I'll tell you a quick funny story. One day I was being interviewed on a radio show and we actually weren't on camera. We were on a phone and there were two co-hosts that weren't in the same location. This was six months after my husband died and they asked me a question. We were probably halfway in and I answered the question and then it was a commercial break and one of the co-hosts said to me,

Nirvana Tari (33:27)
I hope it's not some lard maybe again.

Thank you.

Debbie Weiss (33:53)
You're already dating and your husband died six months ago. I said, what are you talking about? No, I'm not dating. Well, the other Debbie Weiss wrote a book about dating after being a widow because she has been a widow for 10 years. So that's what her book is about.

Nirvana Tari (34:00)
Oh my gosh.

Oh.

Yeah, that's, oh, they just, they entirely got it mixed up. Oh no.

Debbie Weiss (34:16)
Yep.

Nirvana Tari (34:18)
very, oh no, well I know that I have ordered my book off your website and I'm very excited to read it. I'm sure I'll be sharing the insights that I learned with all of the wonderful families that I interact with on a daily basis and yeah, any like last-minute thoughts, finishing, comments, anything else you would like to, any like maybe like tidbit to have the caregivers like leave with?

Debbie Weiss (34:24)
Oh, thank you.

So a quote that I, and I talk about it in my book, that I've never been a person who, you know, had a specific quote, some people have a quote that they live by or that really resonates with them. And a few years ago, before I started writing my book, I was, whatever I was doing, I read this quote that I'd read many, many times. And for the first time, I got it.

And the quote is by Glinda the good witch from the wizard of Oz, who said, you've always had the power, my dear. You just had to learn it for yourself. And you know, when I heard that my whole life, I just thought she was telling Dorothy, you just had to click your heels and say, there's no place like home. But for whatever reason, that day, I thought to myself, now I get it. Each of us, every single one of us.

Nirvana Tari (35:17)
Aww.

room.

Debbie Weiss (35:43)
has the power inside of us to do whatever we want. We just have to realize that we have it, because we don't realize we have it. And so regardless of what your current circumstance is, it doesn't matter. You have the power to change. I'm not saying not become a caregiver, but I'm saying maybe to look at it a little bit differently, to maybe.

Nirvana Tari (35:53)
Absolutely.

Debbie Weiss (36:11)
Try that new thing, even though you don't think of this as the right time, because I didn't. It is do something that lights you up because you deserve it.

Nirvana Tari (36:20)
There's never a perfect time, absolutely. If you're waiting for the right time, you're gonna be waiting your whole life.

Debbie Weiss (36:26)
Yep.

Nirvana Tari (36:27)
Yeah, absolutely. And I'm sure that you can share on that too, because you didn't think you were going to be a caregiver after one after another. And you and it life just comes at you a certain way. 100 percent. Well, I appreciate all of your wonderful insights and the time you took with us today. This was really insightful and wonderful. And I can't wait to share this episode with our listeners, because I know they're going to be jumping up and down with joy.

Debbie Weiss (36:34)
Thanks for watching.

That's it.

Thank you so much for having me. It's been an absolute pleasure.

Nirvana Tari (36:55)
Absolutely. Well, you take care of yourself and I hope you have a lovely rest of your day.

Debbie Weiss (36:57)
You too.